My precious birthday princess...

Hi everyone--

Four years old is just my absolute favorite age so I have to admit that I'm a little sad that Ellie-Kate is about to turn five. As I've been reflecting today, part of me has been regretful... The past year has been a blur... Chelsea's senior year... "Alice," fair queen, Emmy's big sixth grade year with the science fair success, yearbook, and, of course, Student Council president... 4-H... college and scholarship apps for Chelsea... Britti's engagement, master's graduation, and new job... A lot of important and pressing "stuff" to overshadow the beautiful simplicity of four year old fun. Did I allow it to do so? Did I miss this special year?

Just like always, Ellie-Kate seemed to sense that I needed one last conversation with my four year old. She just woke up to go potty, and I went upstairs to tuck her back into bed. I stood on the top step and sighed, "I'm sad that you're not going to be four anymore." Ellie-Kate walked over, hugged me, and said, "I'm sad too." However, of course, I'm not sad that she's healthy and growing and developing as she should, and I hugged her again. I shouldn't cast a shadow on this birthday that she has been so eagerly anticipating. "Four has been a good year, hasn't it?" I asked. "Yeah," she replied.

We started to whisper, both of us acknowledging that we were stealing these precious moments, that she should certainly be in bed, especially given that she has a basketball game at 9 a.m. and that her daddy was right downstairs, ready to remind both of us that Ellie-Kate needs her sleep. "You played t-ball, soccer, and basketball for the first time," I noted. "I had lots of fun with my friends at preschool," she added. I continued, "You earned your first book award in Cubbies, and we got to play lots of dollies." She smiled, "And cars and we got to play going to Disney." (One of our favorite games together is pretending that we're going to Disney to visit the characters, and Ellie-Kate has to practically take her entire room with us on the pretend plane. "And we got to GO to Disney," I smiled. We looked at each other, co-conspirators in our quest to savor and celebrate a few more precious seconds of this special year.

"Okay," I sighed. "You really do need to go to bed now." We walked into her room, and I glanced around. Four years ago, this room was ready for the birthday princess to arrive, but the Chinese New Year celebration kept us from holding our little girl on her first birthday. We had to wait. The Disney princess border and decorations, books on the shelf, her custom-made Build-a-Bear Pei Wei-- all waiting for Ellie-Kate to be with us. Now, four years later, she's here... We have marked so many milestones-- the first time that she pulled herself to standing... her first crawl (well, roll)... her first step... her first laugh... first words... her rapid emergence into our family... her quick bond with her mommy, daddy, sisters... her love for us, her pets, our God...

We continued to whisper. After all, Roger could hear our stolen moments in the monitor, and, surely, he would be the voice of reason if we kept talking, like pre-teens at a sleepover. "You need to get some sleep," I said, trying to be the grown-up. She smiled and asked me to stay and rub her tummy. I did for a bit and then noted that I needed to get downstairs. "I love you, Mommy!" "I love you too." She called after me, "Mommy, I'm going to miss being four. I love being your baby."

I choked up a bit and then responded honestly, "Princess Ellie-Kate, you're ALWAYS going to be my baby." She smiled, "I love you, Mommy. See you in the morning!"

Did I miss it? This year, the one that I have loved with every one of the other girls. No, I didn't. Yes, the year was a blur, but we embraced our moments, just like we did tonight. Selfishly, I want more of those stolen seconds. I want to freeze frame time so that it's always just us, talking, laughing. Time passes too quickly... Even if I factor out work, food needs cooked; dishes need cleaned; children need transported-- sports, school, church, scouts-- all good yet all diversions from amazing conversations in the middle of the night at the top of the stairwell.

Happy birthday, Princess Ellie-Kate! Here's to another incredible year-- you'll start kindergarten, play more sports, meet new friends, learn to read and do more math (and maybe have an excuse to play on your calculator some more). However, you will truly always, ALWAYS be my baby girl :)

Love,

Mommy