Hi everyone--
Four years old is just my absolute favorite age so I have to admit that I'm a little sad that Ellie-Kate is about to turn five. As I've been reflecting today, part of me has been regretful... The past year has been a blur... Chelsea's senior year... "Alice," fair queen, Emmy's big sixth grade year with the science fair success, yearbook, and, of course, Student Council president... 4-H... college and scholarship apps for Chelsea... Britti's engagement, master's graduation, and new job... A lot of important and pressing "stuff" to overshadow the beautiful simplicity of four year old fun. Did I allow it to do so? Did I miss this special year?
Just like always, Ellie-Kate seemed to sense that I needed one last conversation with my four year old. She just woke up to go potty, and I went upstairs to tuck her back into bed. I stood on the top step and sighed, "I'm sad that you're not going to be four anymore." Ellie-Kate walked over, hugged me, and said, "I'm sad too." However, of course, I'm not sad that she's healthy and growing and developing as she should, and I hugged her again. I shouldn't cast a shadow on this birthday that she has been so eagerly anticipating. "Four has been a good year, hasn't it?" I asked. "Yeah," she replied.
We started to whisper, both of us acknowledging that we were stealing these precious moments, that she should certainly be in bed, especially given that she has a basketball game at 9 a.m. and that her daddy was right downstairs, ready to remind both of us that Ellie-Kate needs her sleep. "You played t-ball, soccer, and basketball for the first time," I noted. "I had lots of fun with my friends at preschool," she added. I continued, "You earned your first book award in Cubbies, and we got to play lots of dollies." She smiled, "And cars and we got to play going to Disney." (One of our favorite games together is pretending that we're going to Disney to visit the characters, and Ellie-Kate has to practically take her entire room with us on the pretend plane. "And we got to GO to Disney," I smiled. We looked at each other, co-conspirators in our quest to savor and celebrate a few more precious seconds of this special year.
"Okay," I sighed. "You really do need to go to bed now." We walked into her room, and I glanced around. Four years ago, this room was ready for the birthday princess to arrive, but the Chinese New Year celebration kept us from holding our little girl on her first birthday. We had to wait. The Disney princess border and decorations, books on the shelf, her custom-made Build-a-Bear Pei Wei-- all waiting for Ellie-Kate to be with us. Now, four years later, she's here... We have marked so many milestones-- the first time that she pulled herself to standing... her first crawl (well, roll)... her first step... her first laugh... first words... her rapid emergence into our family... her quick bond with her mommy, daddy, sisters... her love for us, her pets, our God...
We continued to whisper. After all, Roger could hear our stolen moments in the monitor, and, surely, he would be the voice of reason if we kept talking, like pre-teens at a sleepover. "You need to get some sleep," I said, trying to be the grown-up. She smiled and asked me to stay and rub her tummy. I did for a bit and then noted that I needed to get downstairs. "I love you, Mommy!" "I love you too." She called after me, "Mommy, I'm going to miss being four. I love being your baby."
I choked up a bit and then responded honestly, "Princess Ellie-Kate, you're ALWAYS going to be my baby." She smiled, "I love you, Mommy. See you in the morning!"
Did I miss it? This year, the one that I have loved with every one of the other girls. No, I didn't. Yes, the year was a blur, but we embraced our moments, just like we did tonight. Selfishly, I want more of those stolen seconds. I want to freeze frame time so that it's always just us, talking, laughing. Time passes too quickly... Even if I factor out work, food needs cooked; dishes need cleaned; children need transported-- sports, school, church, scouts-- all good yet all diversions from amazing conversations in the middle of the night at the top of the stairwell.
Happy birthday, Princess Ellie-Kate! Here's to another incredible year-- you'll start kindergarten, play more sports, meet new friends, learn to read and do more math (and maybe have an excuse to play on your calculator some more). However, you will truly always, ALWAYS be my baby girl :)
Love,
Mommy
Friday, January 25, 2013
Ellie-Kate's birthday party at pre-school-- January 25, 2013
For Ellie-Kate's party at school today, we took in cupcakes in Cars wrappers, with Cars and Princess napkins. Her classmates (and Miss Tammy!) loved the treats, and they sang Happy Birthday to her. What a special time!
Diamond Sister Reveal-- January 23, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Challenging conversations...
Hi everyone--
For the most part now, I don't even think about us as anything different or special... When we first came home from China, I was so self-aware of the stares and silent questions. Now, something has to happen to disrupt our prevalent reality of nothing unusual, nothing worthy of a second glance. Ellie-Kate is our little girl, and even though she has brown hair and eyes, she's just the same as Emmy, Chelsea, and Britti-- at least in our hearts and minds and souls. She's just another one of the sisters...
Tonight, we had a disruption. I was reading "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes," a book that has attracted her attention more and more. Ellie-Kate has grown increasingly curious about the mama and baby and their journey, but, tonight, she asked a troubling question: "When is she going to give the baby back?"
"She's not going to give the baby back," I replied.
"When are you going to give me back," she probed.
"We're never going to give you back. You're one of us, just like Emmy, Chelsea, and Britti," I replied.
"When I get bigger, I'm going to make everything happy and never scream or yell or throw a fit," she noted, almost testing to see if that kind of existence would make a difference.
"Ellie-Kate, you're one of us," and I explained how God ordained her to be one of our family, how He drew us to her, and how He planned, from the beginning of time, for her to be part of us-- one of the BAP family sisters. She seemed convinced.
During our conversation, I realized that she has been fearful of going back to China, of not being one of us. I can't even imagine how such ideas would enter her mind, and I felt so horrible that her poor little head had to even entertain such images or thoughts. How long had she wondered such things? Why? Perhaps most importantly for me and for us, how could I convince her otherwise? I could say that families are forever, but she could easily retort that her birth family wasn't. Lord, please give me words to comfort and reassure her...
Ellie-Kate is so precious to us. We love her beyond words, and we treasure her as part of our family. She loves us too. She has been through so much in her life, and I guess that I considered that past to be distant and far removed from our lives now. However, our love cannot eliminate the past or the hurt or the memories or the fears... Yet, it can help us to move forward and to cement what we have now and can build for tomorrow.
Please pray that Ellie-Kate (and the rest of us, for that matter) return to that place where we take our family and our love for granted... a space where we can play and even where she allows herself to be tired or grumpy because four year olds aren't perfect and shouldn't expect themselves to be. Family can certainly be themselves with each other without fear-- the ultimate safely net.
God has blessed us so much! We pray that we're able to help Ellie-Kate in all of the ways that she needs and deserves as we move forward from this challenging evening...
Christie
For the most part now, I don't even think about us as anything different or special... When we first came home from China, I was so self-aware of the stares and silent questions. Now, something has to happen to disrupt our prevalent reality of nothing unusual, nothing worthy of a second glance. Ellie-Kate is our little girl, and even though she has brown hair and eyes, she's just the same as Emmy, Chelsea, and Britti-- at least in our hearts and minds and souls. She's just another one of the sisters...
Tonight, we had a disruption. I was reading "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes," a book that has attracted her attention more and more. Ellie-Kate has grown increasingly curious about the mama and baby and their journey, but, tonight, she asked a troubling question: "When is she going to give the baby back?"
"She's not going to give the baby back," I replied.
"When are you going to give me back," she probed.
"We're never going to give you back. You're one of us, just like Emmy, Chelsea, and Britti," I replied.
"When I get bigger, I'm going to make everything happy and never scream or yell or throw a fit," she noted, almost testing to see if that kind of existence would make a difference.
"Ellie-Kate, you're one of us," and I explained how God ordained her to be one of our family, how He drew us to her, and how He planned, from the beginning of time, for her to be part of us-- one of the BAP family sisters. She seemed convinced.
During our conversation, I realized that she has been fearful of going back to China, of not being one of us. I can't even imagine how such ideas would enter her mind, and I felt so horrible that her poor little head had to even entertain such images or thoughts. How long had she wondered such things? Why? Perhaps most importantly for me and for us, how could I convince her otherwise? I could say that families are forever, but she could easily retort that her birth family wasn't. Lord, please give me words to comfort and reassure her...
Ellie-Kate is so precious to us. We love her beyond words, and we treasure her as part of our family. She loves us too. She has been through so much in her life, and I guess that I considered that past to be distant and far removed from our lives now. However, our love cannot eliminate the past or the hurt or the memories or the fears... Yet, it can help us to move forward and to cement what we have now and can build for tomorrow.
Please pray that Ellie-Kate (and the rest of us, for that matter) return to that place where we take our family and our love for granted... a space where we can play and even where she allows herself to be tired or grumpy because four year olds aren't perfect and shouldn't expect themselves to be. Family can certainly be themselves with each other without fear-- the ultimate safely net.
God has blessed us so much! We pray that we're able to help Ellie-Kate in all of the ways that she needs and deserves as we move forward from this challenging evening...
Christie
Memories...
Monday, January 21, 2013
Week in review...
Hi everyone--
Well, on the plus side, I got lots of rest during the past week! I managed to get sinus and ear infections as well as flu-like symptoms. (The flu test came back negative.) I started to get sick on Monday, January 14, but I tried to just muddle through. By Thursday, I could no longer muddle... or do much of anything! I finally went to the doctor then, got antibiotics, and started to turn the corner by Friday night. I'm still not 100%, but I'm getting there. Of course, now Roger isn't feeling well. With the temperature down to single digits, opening the windows for fresh, germ-free air is pretty much out...
I have dubbed 2013 as the year of regrouping and catching our breath! Last year was an insane blur of graduations (three in three weeks!), deaths (three in six weeks over the summer), and incredible opportunities and commitments for the girls, especially the middle children. For this year, we need to catch up... on sleep, on cleaning and organizing, on re-connecting. Thus far, it's going well. Obviously, I could have lived without spending a week on "sick leave," but we are re-building and catching up, and it's been quite nice.
Overall, 2013 has started out well for the girls too... Chelsea's very happy with sorority life and her new classes. Emmy and Ellie-Kate are happy with activities as well as a bit more down time. Britti's happy with her job and wedding planning. I'm happy with my sabbatical, and Roger is getting a good bit done on his book as well.
We pray that all is well with you at the start of this year as well! More very soon--
Christie
Well, on the plus side, I got lots of rest during the past week! I managed to get sinus and ear infections as well as flu-like symptoms. (The flu test came back negative.) I started to get sick on Monday, January 14, but I tried to just muddle through. By Thursday, I could no longer muddle... or do much of anything! I finally went to the doctor then, got antibiotics, and started to turn the corner by Friday night. I'm still not 100%, but I'm getting there. Of course, now Roger isn't feeling well. With the temperature down to single digits, opening the windows for fresh, germ-free air is pretty much out...
I have dubbed 2013 as the year of regrouping and catching our breath! Last year was an insane blur of graduations (three in three weeks!), deaths (three in six weeks over the summer), and incredible opportunities and commitments for the girls, especially the middle children. For this year, we need to catch up... on sleep, on cleaning and organizing, on re-connecting. Thus far, it's going well. Obviously, I could have lived without spending a week on "sick leave," but we are re-building and catching up, and it's been quite nice.
Overall, 2013 has started out well for the girls too... Chelsea's very happy with sorority life and her new classes. Emmy and Ellie-Kate are happy with activities as well as a bit more down time. Britti's happy with her job and wedding planning. I'm happy with my sabbatical, and Roger is getting a good bit done on his book as well.
We pray that all is well with you at the start of this year as well! More very soon--
Christie
Last game as a four year old-- January 19, 2013
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